Fare thee well sweet Anna Liffey, I can no longer stay

One year. One year, a MA in International Relations, 10 countries, new friends, and some amazing memories. 

One year in Dublin has felt like a blink of an eye. I have spent months traveling, learning, and loving. I got off the plane looking for something, anything to validate my existence and my journey. I will be getting on the plane home having found everything I needed and more.

A year ago, I packed everything I own, sold my car, threw anything that couldn't fit in three suitcases in storage, and said my goodbyes.

A year ago, I was lost. Graduated college early, looking for anything to prolong the inevitable of adulthood and a 9-5. Still testing my limits, finding my footing, and figuring out who I was and who I wanted to be. 

A year ago, I was terrified. I was looking real life in the face and all I wanted to do was turn and run. Terrified of my life having met its peak at 21. Terrified of stagnation, mediocrity, and boredom. 

A year ago, I made one of the best choices in my life. I made the choice to dive head first into a dark pool, with absolutely no idea what could be at the bottom. So many fears accompanied my choice to move 5,000 miles away to a foreign country, where I didn't know a single soul. Fears of loneliness, danger, insignificance, and insecurity. 

Instead of any of that, I found happiness. I found happiness, fulfillment, love, belonging, and safety. 

I leave Dublin with more friends, more lovely people then I could imagine in a million years. I have been met with more love and kindness in this last year then one could hope for in a lifetime.

My life feels like a movie. As a child I used to dream about a beautiful future, one I never thought I would live. The life I live is one that surpasses anything I could have ever dreamed of doing. Instead of a dream, this is my life.This is the life I have fought and struggled for. I could burst I am so filled with happiness. Happiness and pride. 

The only reason I can feel like this, the only reason the journey has been so sweet this far, is because of the love i am constantly surrounded with. 

I am thankful for the love and support of my amazing family. For supporting me, for believing in me, and for loving me. Through the best of times and the worst of times. 

I am thankful for my old friends. The ones who have loved me and been there for me for years. 

I am thankful for my new friends. The ones who have filled gaps in my life I wasn’t aware I even had. I will cherish you all until the end of my days, and I hope to see you someday soon. 

Goodbye Dublin, my sweet and beautiful old city. The old city that comes alive when the lights go down. The old city that sparkles with ambition. The old city that is still dreaming, still progressing. So much heart can be found in this beautiful town. I will miss so much about you. I will miss stink of Guinness that seems to chase you  down the river. I will miss the rain, that never comes when you want it but only when you need it. The circus that the streets become after dark. The feeling of escaping the bitter cold by ducking into a warm pub. The running into someone you know, every time you leave your house. The beautiful coast. The rotting air of the liffey. The nights spent dancing and laughing surrounded by friends. The roar of tourists in my courtyard going into the old Jameson Distillery. The greasy and delicious chipper food. The unreliability of the public transportation. The character of the cab drivers.The stupid Spire. The history. The architecture. The people. The love. 

Just. Everything. 

I found myself. I have never been happier, felt better about myself, felt more loved or fulfilled, then I do now. I hope to carry this feeling with me until the day I die. 

When I die, Dublin will be written on my heart. 

For the last time

From Dublin, With Love 

Olivia Stapp

Dublin Roller Derby: Or How I Learned To Stop Self Doubting and Love My Bruises

On August 10th I started Fresh Meat training with Dublin Roller Derby.
Tomorrow, on December 14th I will put my skates on and skate with DRD for the last time.
It is unreal to think I have already been skating for 5 months.
I had always wanted to skate, I had always wanted to do roller derby.
I hold a certain level of disdain for people who live their lives by saying they want to do something, and then proceed to make excuses for why they can't and don't, so it's understandable how I ended up with skates on.
I wanted to live in Ireland and travel. So I found a way, and did it. Roller Derby was no different. I wanted to do it, so I found a way.
I happened to find this way during one of the busiest times in my life. Working two jobs and finishing a masters is no joke for the level time commitment. Instead of derby becoming a burden and taking up too much time, it became exactly what I needed.
Every stressful week ended in a training session. The whole week would build up with chaos and nonsense, and on Sundays I got to let it all go out on the track. I would wake up on Monday with a clear head, the chaos of the previous week forgotten, no longer important enough to take up space in my mind.

It's like that quote in Fight Club
"After a night in fight club, everything in the real world gets the volume turned down.  Nothing can piss you off.  Your word is law, and if other people break that law or question you, even that doesn't piss you off" 

Everything else in life seems easier, the stress seems less burdensome. It's hard to be pissed off when you spend your Sunday throwing shoulder checks.  The ringing in your ears you get from falling hard on your ass does wonders to turn the volume down in life.

Skating was not something I immediately excelled at. Skating was, and is an intense challenge in my life.
There is a reason the first thing they teach you is how to fall. You fall, and you keep falling.
You don't stay down, you get up you brush yourself off and you keep learning.


At first everyone was a bit ashamed of falling. You would hear the *thud* of knee pads hitting the ground and everyone would glance over. The skater who fell would get up, look around, and hope not too many people noticed. After a few weeks, everyone fell.
Falling proved you were pushing yourself. Falling proved that you could get back up, that you would get back up, and try again. Everyone stopped caring about those little *thuds* and instead kept skating and focusing on themselves. We became less insecure, more friendly with each other. Often giving tips and advice to each other, praising each other on a job well done. We became a little family, full of support.

Every monday morning my body would be bruised and sore, but every ounce pain felt like a little trophy. You earned that pain from working your ass off. If it didn't hurt, if it wasn't hard, then  everyone would do it.
You get frustrated,  and you get angry at yourself for not being able to do something.
I am pretty hard on myself in my life. I always believe I can do better and get angry when I don't. All I could do after a bad practice, was beat up on myself. Skating isn't the only place in my life I do this. I  began to carry this anger over into the following weeks training. After a while some of the coaches and other skaters helped me realize that hating myself, and getting angry at my inability to do something, wasn't going to make me learn it any faster. Instead, clearing my head, listening, learning from my mistakes, and continuing to try would be the only way I would eventually learn the skill.

I have been beating up on myself for years of my life. Every bit of criticism usually wrecks my head, makes me mull over what I did wrong for ages. Roller Derby, and the people with DRD have taught me to stop being so damn hard on myself, and just skate.

I cannot wait to continue my roller derby journey. I begin skating with Texas Roller Girls in Austin on January 4th. While they will never be what DRD was to me, I am lucky to be able to continue with this sport that I love so dearly.

To those involved in DRD, The coaches, the Refs, the NSO's, Rookies, and fellow fresh meat,
One of the hardest parts about leaving this city is all of you.
I have never met people so kind loving and genuine as you in my very being. I have played sports for a large portion of my life. Never have I met people so in love, so dedicated and passionate about something.
I am thrilled that for the rest of my time in life I spend skating, that I have the honor of saying that I had the opportunity to learn from and skate with all of you. 
Thank you for everything you do, not just for me but for everyone who dares to put on skates and decide that this was something they want to do. I hope to skate with at least half the skill and passion many of you do. Thank you for not only telling me I can, but I will. Everyone involved in DRD, from fresh meat and rookies to refs coaches and top skaters have helped me be a better skater and person. I hope to carry the passion and love you people hold into every aspect of my life. This adventure of roller derby I have out myself on has made my life ten times more fulfilling and happier then I could ever dream of. I hope to carry the love and respect you all hold in to the rest of my life. 
Thank you all. For everything. I hope to see you all on the track one day.

From Dublin, With Love
Olivia