Fare thee well sweet Anna Liffey, I can no longer stay

One year. One year, a MA in International Relations, 10 countries, new friends, and some amazing memories. 

One year in Dublin has felt like a blink of an eye. I have spent months traveling, learning, and loving. I got off the plane looking for something, anything to validate my existence and my journey. I will be getting on the plane home having found everything I needed and more.

A year ago, I packed everything I own, sold my car, threw anything that couldn't fit in three suitcases in storage, and said my goodbyes.

A year ago, I was lost. Graduated college early, looking for anything to prolong the inevitable of adulthood and a 9-5. Still testing my limits, finding my footing, and figuring out who I was and who I wanted to be. 

A year ago, I was terrified. I was looking real life in the face and all I wanted to do was turn and run. Terrified of my life having met its peak at 21. Terrified of stagnation, mediocrity, and boredom. 

A year ago, I made one of the best choices in my life. I made the choice to dive head first into a dark pool, with absolutely no idea what could be at the bottom. So many fears accompanied my choice to move 5,000 miles away to a foreign country, where I didn't know a single soul. Fears of loneliness, danger, insignificance, and insecurity. 

Instead of any of that, I found happiness. I found happiness, fulfillment, love, belonging, and safety. 

I leave Dublin with more friends, more lovely people then I could imagine in a million years. I have been met with more love and kindness in this last year then one could hope for in a lifetime.

My life feels like a movie. As a child I used to dream about a beautiful future, one I never thought I would live. The life I live is one that surpasses anything I could have ever dreamed of doing. Instead of a dream, this is my life.This is the life I have fought and struggled for. I could burst I am so filled with happiness. Happiness and pride. 

The only reason I can feel like this, the only reason the journey has been so sweet this far, is because of the love i am constantly surrounded with. 

I am thankful for the love and support of my amazing family. For supporting me, for believing in me, and for loving me. Through the best of times and the worst of times. 

I am thankful for my old friends. The ones who have loved me and been there for me for years. 

I am thankful for my new friends. The ones who have filled gaps in my life I wasn’t aware I even had. I will cherish you all until the end of my days, and I hope to see you someday soon. 

Goodbye Dublin, my sweet and beautiful old city. The old city that comes alive when the lights go down. The old city that sparkles with ambition. The old city that is still dreaming, still progressing. So much heart can be found in this beautiful town. I will miss so much about you. I will miss stink of Guinness that seems to chase you  down the river. I will miss the rain, that never comes when you want it but only when you need it. The circus that the streets become after dark. The feeling of escaping the bitter cold by ducking into a warm pub. The running into someone you know, every time you leave your house. The beautiful coast. The rotting air of the liffey. The nights spent dancing and laughing surrounded by friends. The roar of tourists in my courtyard going into the old Jameson Distillery. The greasy and delicious chipper food. The unreliability of the public transportation. The character of the cab drivers.The stupid Spire. The history. The architecture. The people. The love. 

Just. Everything. 

I found myself. I have never been happier, felt better about myself, felt more loved or fulfilled, then I do now. I hope to carry this feeling with me until the day I die. 

When I die, Dublin will be written on my heart. 

For the last time

From Dublin, With Love 

Olivia Stapp

Dublin Roller Derby: Or How I Learned To Stop Self Doubting and Love My Bruises

On August 10th I started Fresh Meat training with Dublin Roller Derby.
Tomorrow, on December 14th I will put my skates on and skate with DRD for the last time.
It is unreal to think I have already been skating for 5 months.
I had always wanted to skate, I had always wanted to do roller derby.
I hold a certain level of disdain for people who live their lives by saying they want to do something, and then proceed to make excuses for why they can't and don't, so it's understandable how I ended up with skates on.
I wanted to live in Ireland and travel. So I found a way, and did it. Roller Derby was no different. I wanted to do it, so I found a way.
I happened to find this way during one of the busiest times in my life. Working two jobs and finishing a masters is no joke for the level time commitment. Instead of derby becoming a burden and taking up too much time, it became exactly what I needed.
Every stressful week ended in a training session. The whole week would build up with chaos and nonsense, and on Sundays I got to let it all go out on the track. I would wake up on Monday with a clear head, the chaos of the previous week forgotten, no longer important enough to take up space in my mind.

It's like that quote in Fight Club
"After a night in fight club, everything in the real world gets the volume turned down.  Nothing can piss you off.  Your word is law, and if other people break that law or question you, even that doesn't piss you off" 

Everything else in life seems easier, the stress seems less burdensome. It's hard to be pissed off when you spend your Sunday throwing shoulder checks.  The ringing in your ears you get from falling hard on your ass does wonders to turn the volume down in life.

Skating was not something I immediately excelled at. Skating was, and is an intense challenge in my life.
There is a reason the first thing they teach you is how to fall. You fall, and you keep falling.
You don't stay down, you get up you brush yourself off and you keep learning.


At first everyone was a bit ashamed of falling. You would hear the *thud* of knee pads hitting the ground and everyone would glance over. The skater who fell would get up, look around, and hope not too many people noticed. After a few weeks, everyone fell.
Falling proved you were pushing yourself. Falling proved that you could get back up, that you would get back up, and try again. Everyone stopped caring about those little *thuds* and instead kept skating and focusing on themselves. We became less insecure, more friendly with each other. Often giving tips and advice to each other, praising each other on a job well done. We became a little family, full of support.

Every monday morning my body would be bruised and sore, but every ounce pain felt like a little trophy. You earned that pain from working your ass off. If it didn't hurt, if it wasn't hard, then  everyone would do it.
You get frustrated,  and you get angry at yourself for not being able to do something.
I am pretty hard on myself in my life. I always believe I can do better and get angry when I don't. All I could do after a bad practice, was beat up on myself. Skating isn't the only place in my life I do this. I  began to carry this anger over into the following weeks training. After a while some of the coaches and other skaters helped me realize that hating myself, and getting angry at my inability to do something, wasn't going to make me learn it any faster. Instead, clearing my head, listening, learning from my mistakes, and continuing to try would be the only way I would eventually learn the skill.

I have been beating up on myself for years of my life. Every bit of criticism usually wrecks my head, makes me mull over what I did wrong for ages. Roller Derby, and the people with DRD have taught me to stop being so damn hard on myself, and just skate.

I cannot wait to continue my roller derby journey. I begin skating with Texas Roller Girls in Austin on January 4th. While they will never be what DRD was to me, I am lucky to be able to continue with this sport that I love so dearly.

To those involved in DRD, The coaches, the Refs, the NSO's, Rookies, and fellow fresh meat,
One of the hardest parts about leaving this city is all of you.
I have never met people so kind loving and genuine as you in my very being. I have played sports for a large portion of my life. Never have I met people so in love, so dedicated and passionate about something.
I am thrilled that for the rest of my time in life I spend skating, that I have the honor of saying that I had the opportunity to learn from and skate with all of you. 
Thank you for everything you do, not just for me but for everyone who dares to put on skates and decide that this was something they want to do. I hope to skate with at least half the skill and passion many of you do. Thank you for not only telling me I can, but I will. Everyone involved in DRD, from fresh meat and rookies to refs coaches and top skaters have helped me be a better skater and person. I hope to carry the passion and love you people hold into every aspect of my life. This adventure of roller derby I have out myself on has made my life ten times more fulfilling and happier then I could ever dream of. I hope to carry the love and respect you all hold in to the rest of my life. 
Thank you all. For everything. I hope to see you all on the track one day.

From Dublin, With Love
Olivia

Have Love, Will Travel

Mood: Exhausted
Listening to: Lighthouse-The Hush Sound

I fail at connecting words to experiences as of lately. Traveling so quickly with very little time in between doesn't allow for your soul to catch up with your body. I feel like my mind is scattered among many places, still digesting and reveling in the atmosphere and experience of each city it has passed through. My soul is hazily drifting back to my body. Unsure of where it is, and at a loss for where it wants to be. My heart is like an angst teenager, along for the ride, like an anchor ready to drag along the road. My body although, is back in Dublin.

Spain as a country is both magnificent and subtle. The people embody the pace of a leisurely stroll in the afternoon sun. The haze of the heat wrapped around you. Not harsh an uncomfortable, but like a layer of reassurance around you that its okay, you can walk a little bit slower.

 Malaga is like a movie of paradise. The ocean is like glass. The waves move at the same pace that the people do. Slowly rolling into shore, and gently receding. You can feel the temporary nature of the tourists in a beach town. Simply there to escape whatever reality they are from. There was a sense of self and confidence in Spain that I have never observed before. No one was concerned with you in a negative manner, just as long as you weren't harming anyone. Women and men of all sizes walked around in whatever they liked to wear, no one affording them a second glance. The scenery and people felt like painted characters or actors in a movie. Each appear to cease to exist after you moved on.

Madrid was a hybrid of sensations. A more establish sense of purpose appeared all around. The strange mix of modern and old architecture diluted my sense of reality even more. At night the city appears as a playground for the young. Hoards of which fill ever alcove and ground space. The locals appear as if they know a secret. A secret of a city that you could only know by living there for years.

Fact: 48 hours is too short of a time to even scratch the surface of the experience of a city. My short time in the lovely capital of Scotland can only be titled by something around the lines of the Edinburgh marathon.

My experiences in Scotland and Spain are like day and night. Where Spain was warm, relaxed, slow paced, Scotland was like a flash of images across the screen a dead sprint to the finish line. The city of Edinburgh has an ancient sense about it that tends to overwhelm you. Imagining the history and age of a city that survived the plague is intense. While the streets seem to scream at the people with ghosts and ancient stories, the people seem to be oblivious to this nature and slosh about selfishly. Almost as if the stories of those who have walked before them, the age of every brick in an ancient castle, is just too much for their minds to process. The age of our understanding almost not built to process that kind of history or scenery. I have promised myself to go back for a longer time, and hopefully be able to better experience the wonder that is Edinburgh.

For now I am safe and sound back in Dublin town. Waiting for my existence to recollect itself. With a deep appreciation for the people that have made my travels so profound. Each new person I connect with in a new city is nothing but wonderful and part of the greatest sense of fulfillment I could ever ask for. 

Hopefully I can rest and regain myself before I am off to Turkey next month. Another adventure, more ancient grounds, monuments of cities, more people to meet, and air to breathe in. 

Deeply, sincerely, and as always

From Dublin, With Love 

Olivia

The passing tales and glories that once was Dublin Town

Mood: Dreamy
Listening to: Psychic City-Yacht
"Where you been darling? 
We've been holding this moment for you. 
I told you your dreams would come true..." 

There is no city in the world more alluring and charming than Dublin in the sunshine. When the sun shines in Dublin it is as if the source of life itself has exhaled into the city. Filling every crack and crevice of the town. The people can do nothing to resist being surrounded in the rejuvenating sensation that occurs. The serendipitous nature of the streets its dumbfounding. Like a dream I find myself whirling through the warm streets, letting my mind float like a feather on the river. Slowly gracing along, wherever the current takes it.
You can't help but be enveloped in every sensation this city gifts to you.

Dublin has a way of doing that, enveloping you. In Dublin I have felt so full of purpose, so connected to everything around me.  I am surrounded by the most wonderful people. Everyone and everything in my life at this moment makes me feel whole and welcome. I feel truly part of the things I am involved in. Just a small piece of the puzzle, but one that adds to the whole picture. The feeling that you have a purpose, a direction, and a contribution.

There is always something to do, always somewhere to go and always someone to make you laugh. There is always someone willing to pack up their things and go on an adventure with you, just because they can. I feel always in transit here, constantly moving and progressing. Never stagnant or dull.

This city is glowing gateway to the rest of the world. So intwined in its own nature, yet so freeing in its connections to others.
Dublin is both here, and there. It is a city with many stages that are filled with as many different kinds of actors. Each holding their own spotlight. You constantly feel nostalgic for the city, even when you are sitting in the cusp of it.

Dublin is an old city that appears to exhale youth and excitement. There is humor in the very architecture of the reality in Dublin. The wonders and excitement of the world that I have been lucky enough to indulge in since I have moved here are unfathomable. The ability to travel, to learn, and to grow. Gaining some new point of purpose and happiness from the people I encounter.

The very air around me is happiness. I could never ask for a better life then this.

From Dublin, With Love

Olivia 

The Banks of the Liffey

Mood-Indifferent
Listening to- Black Me Out-Against me! 

Life is not always perfect. Any adventure comes with misadventures.
Like wrenching a fish from its pond. It dreams of a world outside its small existence, but it doesn't realize how truly comfortable that pond is. The temperature is perfect and the fish knows every corner and seeks solace in this familiarity. This fish often tries to jump out of its pond each time failing without help, left gills gasping until someone notices the misadventure and slips the poor thing back into its comfortable pond.
After so many jumps, the fish finally makes it to a new destination. Just what they have been dreaming of. Only the new pond is smaller with none of the comforts and familiarity that the other has.
The fish also happens to be a different breed of all the others in this new pond, one that looks much different then the others and in a small pond everyone notices differences. Some of the other fish gawk when they swim by, others nip at the fishes fins, a few ignore the fish completely. The new pond has all the potential in the world, to be something that the old one wasn't, but all the new pond does is become a smaller foreign pond that can begin to feel familiar but is never truly going to be like the old pond.
This isn't always a bad thing. The fish adapts and finds new comforts, and new joys.

Sometimes, I feel like that fish, and Ireland is a really small pond.

Recently, although, I relate best to the Liffey river.
A steady stream that soldiers through a changing city. A river that changes with every few paces.
It ebbs and flows with the natural highs and lows of life. Some times the water runs slow pushing through and regretfully dragging object along with it. The water smells rotten and is so low that banks are visible at the widest points. This reveals the flaws that the river craves so dearly to conceal, the garbage, the muck and the imperfections.

Never forget that the river, although dirty, smelly, and low, still flows. The river is always flowing, always moving on. I admire that.

Then it rains. The sky opens up and seems to drop upon the city. The sound silence and then the rhythmic pounding of the water on the city streets. The world seems to go black and white for a moment.
The streets and the people groan at the sky, wishing only for sunshine.
But the river craves the rain. In the days between when the sky is clear it begins to slow down. The river longs for the sky to fall upon its banks for it to exhale its gift upon the ground and into its wake.
While the city aches for sunshine, the Liffey yearns for a downpour.
Sometimes the river waits patiently for days, and only for a moment will the sky comply. Other times the clouds fill the heavens for days and while the city whines in chorus, the river revels in solitude.
The rain fuels the river, gives it power to push full force through any obstacle in its way the water clear and refreshing hiding its imperfections and filling it with the strength the carry on. The strength to move silently and briskly, pushing its way through the corners of the city and onward.

The river moves on without regards for those passing by. Some stop and admire rushing water for a little while, but none ever stay. The rain often deters them from remaining for too long.

The river rises and falls. Some days it rushes and other days it slows to a graceful and sluggish pace. Others are deterred from the river and what it takes joy in, but the Liffey never minds it just continues  on in the chaotic state of flux it is used to.  It always keeps moving on.

So now I am moving on. Moving out of my housing on campus and not always pleasant living situation. Moving into a and bright beautiful new home. Like the river yearning for the rain, I need for change. So with a new home comes a new leg of my journey here.

I swear I will get better at writing more often. After I get moved into my new place, of course.

From Dublin, With Love.
Olivia

Dirty Old Town

Mood-Exhausted 
Listening to- Two Coffins, Against me! 


You can tell a lot about a Dubliner by the way they walk alone through the crowded city. 

Some people are like bowling balls. A solid existence of mass. Soldiering on through the streets as long as they have momentum behind them. There are those melt into the crowd like a car merging into traffic and departing to their exit without much of a sound. Just the occasional "pardon me" and they are on their way. Others are like feathers. Delicate in the way they breeze in and out of crowds. Gentle in nature they seem to float along at the whim of the sidewalk. 

Sometimes when you float along heading wherever life calls to you next. You lock eyes with a stranger and it's as if you have experienced a head on collision. This is no ordinary accident. This is a hit and run. A lock of eyes and like that you are dented. But they keep on moving breezing by or soldiering on because the damage could not be all that bad and their destination is of the utmost importance.  They walk away un scathed and unworried. The interaction slipping from their memory like a feather drifting through your palm. 

In a city, like Dublin, when you are fresh you collect these scratches and dings. You wonder about each person and try to digest them from what little you are given. Some people leave larger marks then others and some will occasionally stop and ask for directions. But mostly you will never know anything about them but how they walk through the city streets. Eventually when the roads have grown familiar and your scratches make you undiscernalble from the thousands of others around you, you become the force against others. The head on collision in a strangers path. 

Just when you become part of the crowd and the path is ingrained into your mind something is thrown at you that changes everything. That is Dublin.  Just when you think you have gotten comfortable. When you think you have it figured out, like what to wear to be prepared for the weather. It changes. Dublin is constantly changing and moulding. Always trying new outfits on for size. This city ebbs and flows just like the Liffey river. 

With spring emerging and the warmer weather so does a lighter pace. A deep sigh that the city breathes together. One of not only relief but of anticipation for the time ahead. The senses of the populations dulled with a cloud of warmth. The glimpses of the sun leaving a sensation of longing. Routine and time has been comfortable and I have adjusted to the constant adaptation that is necessary here. 

Soon I will travel back to Galway and hopefully onward to more of Europe. I am constantly content and anxious to move here. The need to adventure elsewhere is always nudging at my ankles. You can never truly settle in to a city in which you may just be passing through. 

Just a little update. More adventures and mishaps to come. 

From Dublin, With Love 
Olivia 

Within a Mile of Home

Mood- Exhausted 

Listening to- Filter-Take a Picture 

1,574 Kilometers (961 Miles), two girls, six days, three tanks of gas, a couch, a hotel, a BNB, two hostels, the beauty of Ireland, and the trip of a lifetime. It would take me a novel of words to explain the imprint my drive around Ireland has left on me. 

This trip was manifested in a joke. Something you dream about doing and say you will do after a few pints at a pub. Just a dream to keep you motivated through the rush of life. This was one dream I was determined to come true. Everyone always asks why, why would you do something so crazy? I say why wouldn't I? So we committed to the dream. We booked the car, my friend booked her flights, and the adventure began. 

We began the trip with no expectations but a mass of ambition. Drive the circumference of the island if Ireland in six days. We mapped the route, planning to stay in major cities along the way. From Dublin to Cork, Cork around the Ring of Kerry to Limerick, from Limerick to Galway, Galway through Sligo to Derry/Londonderry, from Derry to Belfast and then back to Dublin. Typing these cities and reliving the trip in memory feels like frames in a movie. One of those movies that instantly moves you. 

We woke up every morning with the sun. Every day was something new, somewhere we had never seen and endless possibilities stretching on like the winding country roads in front of us. The trip feels like it took years, but was over in a minute and now seems like an eternity away. Each new city meant new people, new experiences and more stories to fold away in our minds. We were like great explorers in the old centuries, discovering and learning something new in every leg of the trip. We kissed the Blarney Stone, we walked in graveyards and churches centuries older then we could comprehend. 

We met beautiful people, some who were on their own adventure. Each adding to the experience in a different way. We saw the beautiful Irish coast line slide along the picture frame window of the car. We placed our feet in the Atlantic ocean for the first time. At night we blended into the scenes of people. We experienced the nightlife and danced like savages experiencing the full moon for the first time. Everything was fresh and new to us. 

I will never be the same after this last week. Ireland is truly the most beautiful place on earth. The things I have learned, the people I have met, and the beauty I have seen will be with me for the rest of my life. Every second of that trip was worth it and I would not change a thing in it for the world. We were never homesick because we found a new home wherever we went. This trip more then anything made me realize how happy I am to be alive. How lucky I am to live in such a beautiful world and be able to dive into the experiences. One day I will write a book to summarizes the experience of this trip, but for now I can only express it in vague sentiments. The only way you could truly understand or feel it, is to go and live it like I did. 

For now, I am back in Dublin. Exhausted after St. Paddys weekend (which will get its own entry into this blog), and dreaming I was driving the windy roads of the Irish country side with the music blasting, the windows down, and the sun on my face. 

As always, 

From Dublin, with love

Olivia